I hate goodbyes...

Tonight I hung out with my friend Julie who is moving to Japan in a little over a week. She and I have been friends for six years and through it we have had our highs and lows but out of those ups and downs has grown a friendship that I've really learned to appreciate. She is someone I know I can trust with anything and who I'd give my life for in a heartbeat. I know more than anything she wants me to be happy and deep down inside I want the same for her. A few years ago she had another opportunity to go to Japan and I discouraged it and later on she ended up not going. She has never said I was directly the reason that she didn't go but she hinted at it a few times. I've kept my mouth shut this time and I know she is going to love it but wow, there is going to be a void. Through the last five years she has worked at Disneyland and in general, if I was in the park, I would make sure and visit her parades no matter what. Most of those years were spent watching her as a dragonfly in Parade of the Stars or an Elf or something in the Christmas Parade...for awhile she did Mickey and Minnie too...and seeing her perform in those roles really made Disneyland magical for me. I'm sure it'll be fine not seeing her every week and I know I have friends around now that want to support me and see me happy who aren't going to Japan...it's just not the same without the level of trust and loyalty that is built through six years. Saying goodbye to her tonight and hugging her and looking in her eyes telling her that I love her and really meaning it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I could feel this ache in the back of my throat, and pressure behind my eyes but I remained strong to the best of my ability. I'm not really sure why...I really hope things go well for her in Japan. It's an incredible opportunity...but the walk away from her was the worst ever. I really don't know why. I do know though that friendships like those are worth more than any treasure or any weight of gold and I'm so blessed to have her in my life. I suppose that is enough rambling tonight. I should get to bed and see what tomorrow brings. Whatever it does I need to just keep reminding myself to always look on the bright side of life.

a nice friday

So today I spent most of the afternoon at Starbucks and the people there are just awesome. I didn't get as much work done as I usually do. It was great though. I've become friends with several of the people who work there and also a couple of the other patrons. So today part of the afternoon was spent talking about the marines (one of the workers used to be one), memorial day weekend plans (or how they didn't quite materialize), Star Wars, Indiana Jones, and then just about life. It was a nice afternoon and its nice to make new friends. Then I came home and bbq'd some burgers for dinner and have been sitting around this evening. I read for a little while and am now watching some thing on A&E about Eisenhower and WWII and talking to a few people online. I'm not sure what is going on tomorrow. I think I'll probably do some reading or work on a website. Nothing too exciting but perhaps that is good.

write right?

I'm not sure what I should write about tonight but I feel like I should write. Life is really such a complex thing. I look at friends, family, and even my own life and realize how crazy everything really is. There really is nothing that is stable in life beside God and at times He can seem so intangible which I suppose is where faith really comes in. There is a song in Victor-Victoria that comes to mind where Julie Andrews sings about this "crazy world." I guess that sums it up. Life is just crazy and I can't say I really understand it but life is good and God is good so I guess I should just shut my trap and keep at it. lol

ruminations

So I'm trying to really give this blogging thing a chance. I suppose it is kind of cool 'cause my best friend Sarah can read my thoughts all the way from Minnesota, if she reads this....I think i gave her the link but now that I am sitting here writing this, I'm not sure that I did. It has been a month ups and downs. It has felt like it has been a month of downs but when I really focus and think about it, there were some ups too. For example, I pretty much have my book done. Eric is going to add illustrations and then we'll be to a point where we print!? Which I don't even know what to think. I guess part of it is exciting but it is also kind of scary to throw something you have worked on so hard out there to be critiqued by anyone and everyone. Second, I've really discovered who my true friends are and who stick with me through thick and thin. I've also discovered some who don't but by and large, I'm very thankful for both my new and old friends who are just incredible. Anyway, I guess the motto for this year should be "in all things give thanks." And with that, I'm going to bed.

Life Goes On

So I just got off the phone a few seconds ago with one of my best friends Julie...who is moving to Japan in less than three weeks. I know I should be ecstatic for her but I'm going to sure miss her a lot. All my life I have been the one coming and going in and out of my friend's lives as I moved around the country...and finally I settled down and found a place I like and it seems like those who are closest to me have all gone now. Of course I always am making new friends who will step up into the place of those who have moved on...but they can only fill the space they once stood...not replace the holes that are left in my heart when someone who I love leaves. I guess life goes on but sometimes it feels like life is just too much...yet I know that God will provide and protect but man...it's hard.

Random Thoughts

So I can't say I completely understand why we like to blog. It sort of reminds me of english classes and free writes but we do these for "fun" or something. Anyway, this week has been interesting. I seem to just be out of energy. I probably need a vacation or something. I haven't really done anything out of the ordinary this week. It's mainly just been working my rear off and eventually sleeping. I'm going to Disneyland on Friday with my new friend Britt. He is pretty cool. He takes photos for a lot of Cast Members, for the Air Force and also for some Star Wars stuff...he is also taking pictures for the website now too so that is pretty cool. Anyway, I really don't have a lot to say right now. I turn 25 in a few weeks and am not overly looking forward to it. It seems like such a. . .blah birthday. I dunno. I guess time will tell. Maybe it will turn out to be great and and it'll end up a fantastic year, it just doesn't seem like it will. Time will tell I guess.